kiss me kill me
by kuteandkuddly5423
Summary: why are you doing this to me, hikaru?" "cause i'm bored" woo! finished!
1. new game

**Kiss me kill me**

**chapter 1**

Two pairs of eyes watched as a teen girl with short brown hair and chocolate colored eyes scurry around her small kitchen, putting different foods and spices into pots and pans.

"So you see, this seasoning goes great with this meat and it gives the soup a nice flavor."She concluded her speech, proud of herself for even attempting to explain cooking to these rich bastards. Identical hazel eyes just stared at her blankly as if she had just spoken a different language. Her face grew hopeless as she hung her head in defeat. "You don't understand it do you?" she asked looking up at them.

The two boys in front of her, one with his red hair parted to the left the other to the right, shook their heads. _At least I tried._ She thought.

"Haruhi, you know it's pointless to try to teach us these things. We won't need it." The boy with his hair parted to the right said bored.

"You think I don't know that Hikaru! I was just trying to help! If you don't like it then why did you come?!" the girl named Haruhi spat in his face.

He slammed his fists on the table and stood up ready to argue back that it wasn't his idea when a hand grabbed his arm. The boy, Hikaru, snapped his head in the direction of his twin brother Kaoru, whose face was formed into a dark scowl.

"Kaoru, what the hell? Why are you looking at me like that?" Hikaru asked.

"Sit." Kaoru commanded.

He glared at his brother, the one who forced him to come here, crossed his arms, and sat down abruptly with a small huff in one swift movement.

Haruhi blinked in surprise (and fear) at the look on Kaoru's face. He never looked like that, especially at Hikaru. As suddenly as the scowl came it was gone and he returned to smiley, bubbly Kaoru.

Kaoru watched his mirror image pout very childishly at the "trouble" he got in. he stood up and went behind him.

"What's wrong Hikaru? Why the long face?"Kaoru asked softly running a finger down his brother's back making him shiver.

"Stop it Kaoru..." Hikaru muttered.

"What was that? Was it cause of last night? I'm sorry if I disappointed you."Kaoru continued, slipping his arms around his twin's shoulders making little circles with his fingers on Hikaru's chest.

A vein popped on Haruhi's forehead as she watched them. It was sickening how they did stuff like that. It was just flat out wrong.

"Cut the crap you two! Didn't I already ask you to do something for me?"she yelled irritated. They looked at her with confused and blank expressions.

_Stupid rich bastards_. She took in a deep breath and hissed through her teeth. "You guys are supposed to be cutting up the meat and vegetables and putting them in the pot."

Hikaru groaned. "Do we have to?"

"Yes!"she screamed grabbing her purse and stomping to the door. "I'm going to the store. I forgot something. I'll be back in a few minuets. It better be done by the time I get back!"she said slamming to front door shut.

They winced.

"Do you think she's mad at us for some reason?" Kaoru said mostly to himself. Hikaru just rolled is eyes and continued to sulk. Noticing this, Kaoru sat in front of him and stared. His brother staring right back at him. After a few minutes of this Hikaru finally snapped. "What?!"

Kaoru giggled. "Come on. Let's get this over with you crybaby."

"I'm not a crybaby."Hikaru said quietly. "Prove it."Kaoru said playfully. Hikaru glared and his twin shut his mouth. They both sighed and stood up.

"Would you stop doing everything I do?!"Hikaru partly shouted, anger level rising inside him. Kaoru frowned, taken aback by his brother's harsh words.

"Well, I'm sorry that I'm your twin. I didn't get to choose."

That pitiful voice. He was sick of it. It made his blood boil. But he decided to play along and act like the nice guy. He tightly hugged his bother and ran his fingers through his hair. "Kaoru. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I promise that I will never do that again."

It was sickening that he could act like he cared so perfectly. That he could hide his anger so thoroughly. He hated it. He hated holding his brother this way. He was surprised kaoru didn't know he was lying.

He kissed his twin's forehead and continued to embrace him. Kaoru pushed away from him and grabbed his hand.

"Come on. Let's get this done." They walked to the counter and they each grabbed a knife. "I'll do the vegetables if you do the meat." Kaoru said smiling a toothy grin. "Okay." Hikaru agreed and grabbed a piece of the uncooked meat.

They sliced the food in silence with the radio playing in the background. Hikaru barley noticed the music was on until one of their favorite songs came on. 'Kiss me Kill me' by Mest. He set down his kitchen utensil and walked to the stereo to turn it up. As he walked back the words started and he and Kaoru began to sing along.

_One, two, three_

_A tragedy that's built on destiny.  
_

_It left you with everything but _

_Blood from the knife that I cut your heart out with.  
_

_Now relax, close your eyes, what comes next is the surprise._

Kaoru had also put down his knife and they started singing in harmony.

_This valentine is doomed _

_The smell of blood has filled this room _

_If I could do it all again _

_I would change most every single thing _

_I would let you_

_Kiss me_

_Kill me _

_Your kiss is torture _

_But killing me would be too easy._

Kaoru silenced himself, as they had practiced many times before, to give Hikaru a solo.

_Our tragedy _

_Seems to be killing everything it sees _

_Like death itself_

_This valentine still looms_

_In the darkest hour, the killing moon _

_I__f I could do it all again_

_I would let you_

He then quieted himself and let Kaoru have a turn at a solo.

_Kiss me _

_Kill me _

_Your kiss is torture _

_But killing me would be too easy_

_Kiss me _

_Kill me _

_Your kiss is torture _

_But killing me would be too easy_

_(Killing me would be too easy)_

As the song ended, they caught there breath and smiled at each other. They went back to their work and Hikaru got and idea.

"Hey Kaoru. Guess what?" Hikaru said. "What?" Kaoru asked. Hikaru stared at the knife in his hand and smirked. "I just thought of a new game!"

"Really? What's it called?"

He chuckled and grinned. "it's called the 'see how long it takes for Kaoru to die' game!"

**A/N: haha cliff hanger! no thats not the whole story. i'm working on the second chapter ok? good. please review!**


	2. lets play

Kaoru froze

"Hey Kaoru. Guess what?" Hikaru said. "What?" Kaoru asked. Hikaru stared at the knife in his hand and smirked. "I just thought of a new game!"

"Really? What's it called?"

He chuckled and grinned. "It's called the 'see how long it takes for Kaoru to die' game!"

Kaoru froze. He could feel his heart race as he searched his brother's features for something, anything that might make this game a joke. Hikaru had been doing this for years and it all stared after the accident. And all those times it would seem that he snapped out of it and forgotten what he had said, going back to whatever it was he was doing. But it was different this time. He didn't snap back to reality like all the other times. Hikaru looked dead serious. Panic swept over him. In the back of his head a little voice nagged at him to run and call the police, but he couldn't betray Hikaru like that. So he just stood there, glued to the floor in terror, watching as his twin smiled in triumph.

A satisfied smile crept onto Hikaru's face as he watched the emotions fly in Koaru's golden eyes. Confusion, panic, blank, dumbfounded, hate, sadness, furry, _fear_.

'_Yes that's it. Be afraid of me kaoru. Run and scream. Maybe even fight. Tell me you hate me. That's what you want to do, right?' _ He thought. But to his utter disappointment, his brother didn't do anything of the sort. No running no screaming, not even a punch. He laughed. It was so joyful like something was tickling him or someone just cracked the most funny joke in the world.

"Good one Hika! You actually scared me for a second there!"

The smile slid off Hikaru's face. "But it wasn't a joke."

The laughter that once filled the room broke off into silence. The seriousness in his brother's voice made fear rise up inside him once again. Tears stung Kaoru's eyes as he shook his head from side to side. "No…no! You have to be kidding! You promised! You promised you wouldn't let anybody hurt me!" he yelled with dread sticking on his words.

Hikaru examined the kitchen knife with interest. He ran his thumb down the blade softly cutting the flesh. He looked back at kaoru and threw himself at him. He grabbed Kaoru's shoulder and dropped all his weight on it, knocking them both to the floor. The heard a sickening crack as they came in contact with the tile. Koaru's screams echoed off the walls, making Hikaru's smirk return. "Yeah. I did promise that. But that doesn't mean I was including myself." He snickered.

Tears spilled down Kaoru's cheeks as searing pain rippled through his body. Everything was a blur as his eyelids drifted closed, his mind wandering away. He could hear Hikaru's voice repeat his promise from years ago over and over again.

"_**Kaoru! Don't ever leave me again! I promise I won't let anybody hurt you again!"**_

'_How? How could you do this to me, Hikaru? I trusted you. I believed in you. I loved you and still do, and this is how you repay me?'_

"_**Come on Kaoru! Wake up! You have to! Wake up so I won't be lonely anymore!"**_ Hikaru's childhood voice rang out.

'_Hikaru...'_

"Hey Kaoru! Wake up! You weren't supposed to black out!" Hikaru's harsh voice brought his back to reality. "I want to hear you scream and beg for mercy!" a hard slap across his face made his eyes open wide, still unfocused and hazy. "But my beloved brother, as much as I want you to do that, I want you to call my name and beg for more even more than that." Hikaru whispered as he crashed his lips with a bruising force upon his twin's.

Kaoru could feel is body tense. The pain in his broken shoulder now forgotten. It felt so wrong, yet so right. The fit together perfectly. Fresh tears made their way out of his glazed orbs. He felt Hikaru pull away and stare at him sadly. A thumb wiped away a stray teardrop as his twin softly and tenderly whispered, "If I tell you I love you will you stop crying?"

Kaoru gasped quietly and looked up at his older brother. _'What's going on? Just a second ago he was set on killing me and now this? Is this really Hikaru?' _

"I love you Kaoru. And I don't want anyone else to have you." Hikaru breathed in his ear.

Kaoru couldn't help but smile and blush at his brother's words. He turned his head to the side in a pitiful attempt to hide it. He glanced at his twin through the corner of his eye and a cold shiver ran down his spine. A wicked smile was painted on Hikaru's face as he raised the forgotten knife to Kaoru's cheek.

"I don't want anyone else to have you." He repeated running to blade across it. Kaoru whimpered softly, holding back frightened sobs.

"Don't cry Kaoru. Just think of it as a trademark of some sort." Hikaru said jamming the razor into part of his cheek and crudely carving three messy lines until it formed and 'H'. Kaoru cried out in anguish as scarlet oozed from the wounds, seeping down staining the top of his shirt.

"Now everyone will know you're mine." Hikaru said planting another rough kiss on his lips. Then like a bloodthirsty animal he moved his mouth to the gashes and licked up every drop of the crimson. Kaoru's throat felt tight as he opened his mouth and said almost inaudibly, "why are you doing this to me, Hikaru?"

He shrugged and replied simply, "Because I'm bored."

His words were like venom as they poured into his heart. It felt like it just shattered into a million pieces. Sorrow and self-pity overwhelmed him. _'Is this what heart break feels like? Or is it because I'm dying?" _ Kaoru asked himself cringing in pain.

His body felt numb as his mind pulled him into a deep sleep, away from Hikaru and all the other things that could hurt him. _'Wait. This doesn't make any sense. Hikaru would never hurt me. Would he? This all is just some dream.' _

A burning feeling in his arm made him lose his train of thought.

'_Fire. My arm is on fire! Put it out! Put it out!' _ "Hikaru!" he shrieked as he regained consciousness. Above him Hikaru was holding him down as he slit open his arm. A ruby river was gushing out, splattering onto the floor. A cry ruptured from Kaoru as he struggled to get free, but quickly ran out of the energy he never had. He gave in, watching as his own blood puddle around him making his stomach lurch. He was horrified to see the amusement on his twin's face as the blade reached his wrist. Suddenly everything went blank and Kaoru couldn't understand or remember what was going on. His gaze drifted off to the side staring into space listening to hikaru laugh hysterically. After awhile he could hear sobs reveal themselves in the laughter. He refocused his vision as he laid his eyes upon his brother. Tears glided down Hikaru's face. The smile was still plastered on as his hands shook and dropped the knife he held and reached for Kaoru. "Forgive me." He said his face softening. He leaned down and barely kissed his twin's swollen lips. Kaoru was about to embrace him and forgive him but Hikaru's voice sliced through the opportunity. "Yes, forgive me. For I will be the one who is responsible of your demise!" He laughed with glee raising the bloody razor above his head and slamming it down into Kaoru's chest.

"H…Hikaru…" Kaoru whispered falling limp on the floor his breathing coming to a slow.

Hikaru couldn't understand what happened. It was like somebody else deep inside his soul was trying to take full control of him. He fought hard against it as he had many times before but now, now he wasn't strong enough. He tried and failed. Now he sat there forced to watch as this _thing_ hurt Kaoru. He felt trapped and helpless inside his own head, unable to stop his body from tearing his twin brother to pieces.

"Stop it! Stop hurting Kaoru damnit! Listen to me stupid body!" he yelled in his head.

'**But this is what you truly desire. All that hate and jealousy you stored in you heart, it finally came out again, in the form of me.' **a deep, dark voice said.

"who are you? And why are you hurting Kaoru?"

'**I thought you would already know that, why, I am you!'** the voice answered.

"you can't be me!" Hikaru exclaimed. "I'm me!"

'**Idiot! We are one in the same! I am you, you are me. That you cannot change. Neither can you change the fact that it is ****you**** who is killing your own twin!'** it sneered.

Hikaru clutched the knife in his hand regaining control. He smiled at Kaoru and cried knowing that Kaoru was as good as gone. He didn't seem to be breathing and wasn't moving in the slightest. Grief stricken, he brought the blade to his arm.

'**what are you doing?'** the voice asked coldly.

"you said we are the same right? That means if I get hurt you get hurt too. And if I die you die also!"

**So you're going to play hero and give yourself a paper cut? Oh I'm so scared!'**

"no. I'm going to inflict the same wounds Kaoru has, on me!" Hikaru stated digging the razor deep in his flesh and dragging it down, feeling the pain his brother had felt.

'**you fool! Stop this instant!' **

Once he reached his wrist he stopped and leaned against the counter for support. "I'll just wait and suffer. It's what I deserve." Hikaru said quietly.

'**stupid! Just get this over with quickly! It won't do any good to go on like this!' **

"Heh. You just keep insulting yourself. That won't do any good either.' Hikaru said standing up shakily and holding on the counter with his good arm. He took a step toward the phone but slipped on the red puddle under his feet. As he hit the floor a sharp stabbing pain shot through his chest and shoulder simultaneously. His shoulder was obviously broken due to the weird angle but what had he landed on? He coughed and spat up blood as he picked himself up. Surprise and panic washed through him as he stared at the handle protruding out of his chest.

'**No! no! no! you clumsy fool! This wasn't supposed to happen!'** the voice whined.

Hikaru slid down next to Kaoru everything fading quickly. He reached out and touched Kaoru's pale cheek. It was still warm as he moved his thumb across the pure white skin.

"We will always be the same now Kaoru, always and forever…" he whispered, his golden eyes slipping closed as the last thing he heard was the deafening shriek of Haruhi.

**A/N: and again I strike out of the back of my mind! Haha! Ok don't hate me for this chapter. I swear I didn't mean to offend anybody if you were offended. Ok the whole 'accident' thing will come up in later chapters if you were wondering. Oh and the thing with him falling, don't think too much of it…**


	3. the truth

Hikaru

His head pounded. Voices were all around him, whispering things he couldn't understand. Faint rhythmic beeps were playing out in the background as he lifted his heavy lids. Everything was blurry and confusing as he stared at the blank room. his body hurt and it wouldn't move when he told it to. Everything seemed to be going way too fast as he watched people in white coats race around the room checking weird machines that surrounded him. One of them looked at him and went all wide eyed.  
"He's awake!" he called.  
Unfamiliar faces surrounded him asking if it hurt anywhere or if he understood. He ignored them not having the strength to speak. Some of the doctors were shoved out of the way revealing the tear stained face of his mother. She looked terrible. Her makeup was running, her clothes were ragged and dirty, and she looked like she was starving.  
"Hikaru, why? Why did you do it?"  
_'What did I do?'_ he thought.  
"Why did you do that to Kaoru_?" __**'**__Kaoru? what did I do to--'_ "Kaoru!" he yelled sitting up. pain shot through his entire body making him double over and scream. his breathing was heavy and quick as he tried to make the pain leave.  
"Hikaru. Honey. lay back down. Kaoru is...well the doctors are doing everything they can for him right now. but i promise he'll be fine." she said not so convincingly. Hikaru glared at her and swung his legs over the side of his bed. his good arm was grabbing his chest and he stumbled out of the cold sheets. right away he lost his footing and crashed to the hard, cold floor. he curled into a ball as tears leaked out of his eyes.  
"Mr. Hitachiin you can't get out of bed yet!" one of the nurses exclaimed bending down to pick him up.  
"no! i have to see Kaoru! please take me to him!" he begged.  
"I'm sorry. but Kaoru Hitachiin isn't aloud any visitors." the nurse said shaking her head.  
"please! we're twins! you have to let me see him!" he pleaded tears running down his face and splashing to the ground. the pain. it hurt. it hurt him so much. but being separated from Kaoru hurt even worse, especially after what that voice made him do.  
he could feel his mind drifting off. _' no! not yet! i need to see Kaoru...'_ he thought as a blanket of darkness covered him. _'Kaoru... I'm so sorry...'_

Kaoru

the door to his room crashed open, startling the boy on the bed. the book that he had been reading slipped out of his grasp and landed with a light thud on the floor. his head snapped to the doorway and he saw Haruhi panting for breath. he guessed she had run here in a panic.  
"what's the matter?" "it's Hikaru. he's awake!"  
the bandaged boy's mouth trembled as her answered slowly, " are you sure? i mean, it could be a faults alarm-" he was cut off by her arms wrapping around him.  
"it's not. he's really awake. he was calling you, and telling you he's sorry. "I'm sorry Kaoru" "why are you sorry?" "because, this is all my fault! if i hadn't done what i did, this wouldn't of ever happened!"

the wounds on this body stung as she squeezed him. he hissed through is teeth and she released him. "I'm sorry." she said wiping away her tears.  
taken by surprise, he whispered, " I've never seen you cry before!" she laughed half-heartedly.  
"I've never seen you in a hospital!" he smiled sadly and she said quickly, "um. well, i have to go. okay? I'll come and visit later." "okay." she walked out of the room and as the door clicked shut, Kaoru burst into tears. he cried for awhile then pulled himself together. remembering his forgotten book, he bent over the side of the bed and as he reached for it, he flinched away.

_'this is just a dream right?'_ he thought scooping up the book. '_it's just some horrible nightmare and I'll wake up any second.'_ he read the title over and over again. '_that's what i want it to be anyway...'_ after reading it for the fifteenth time he couldn't stand looking at it any longer. he chucked the book across the white room and it hit the wall with a bang. as it fell to the floor it landed cover up. it read: _**how to live like you're dying.**_

**__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Hikaru

(a long day alone. the emptiness is so real. never having peace of mind. running from what I can't sing.)

Hikaru sat curled in a ball on the cool, white sheets of the hospital bed staring at the wall in front of him. there was nothing there, to him. nobody existed. there was only empty space. he couldn't see anything or hear anything but the voice. it had materialized in front of his eyes as a mirror image of himself. whenever it moved he would flinch and close his eyes.  
'_**what's the matter? why do you wish you were someone else so badly? do you hate to see yourself as you truly are?'**_  
he felt hands grab his arms and he opened his eyes. the Doppler ganger was still in front of him, unmoving. so what was touching him. he stood up and brushed off the invisible hands. he tried running away but they wouldn't let go.  
'_**Hikaru, just let your hate and anger have you. it's impossible to run away...'**_

(and there is nowhere left to hide. turn to face these empty lies. all alone, heart unturned, trying to find. break me down.)

'_**Come. embrace my existence. there is no place to run and hide. and I'm the only one you have left**__._'  
Hikaru looked up at the figure in front of him. it looked like him, spoke like him, but it wasn't him. he stood up and faced the figure.  
_**'That's right, come to me.'**_ it smiled coldly and held out a hand.

(i try to find myself, i find the stranger trapped inside. and I'll take one more step away from a face i used to recognize.)

he shook his head and turned his back. he gasped when he saw Kaoru in front of him. at least, he thought it was Kaoru the image smiled and extended it's hand. Hikaru looked from the image of himself to the one of Kaoru he knew that that face wasn't Kaoru's so he took a step away and the image's smile melted. he saw it's feet turn to dust. it crawled up the rest of it's body until it completely disappeared. he looked back at himself and it smiled in satisfaction. he pasted the test.

(familiar shadows closing in, suffocating fear descends. you killed a life, uncovered eyes. break me down.)

he coward in the corner as shadows of his past made their way to him. there was Kaoru, lying on the floor, covered in blood. Haruhi yelling as she slammed the door. the pictures grew hands as they came to him. his breath was getting me labored as fear rose up in his body. he couldn't tear his eyes away as the hands grabbed his neck and squeezed. everything grew blurry the blackened out.  
he opened his eyes and drew in a deep breath. he coughed and sputtered as he looked around. he was in the hospital again. there were things surrounding him. he looked at his hands and touched his neck, which still stung with the memory. _**'so you've finally woken up.'**_ the voice hissed. the emptiness seemed to worm its way back as tears fell from his eyes. "Kaoru save me...."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kouya

Kouya walked in the door and studied Kaoru he seemed alright. so why did the doctors tell him otherwise? the red-head has digesting the same book he had been reading for weeks. he refused any other book given to him. the other day one of the nurses found him having a meltdown. he was crying hysterically and he had thrown the book across the room, and there was now a hole in the wall. Kouya cleared his throat and Kaoru looked up.  
"oh. hello."  
"good morning Kaoru did you sleep well?" he asked. Kaoru looked down sadly and whispered, " i had a nightmare." Kouya pushed up his glasses and replied with an 'i see'. "Kaoru i hate to be the bearer of bad news but there is something important i need to tell you." "okay."  
Kouya sighed and said, "well, first things first. it's Hikaru. we've moved him to special care. he's gone into a mental state where he can't see or hear anything around him. one of the doctors had found him the other day strangling himself unconsciously. everyone freaked. they had to put him in a straight-jacket." he paused and waited for a response from Kaoru but he didn't say anything. his face was blank and pale. his eyes were a little damp. "Kaoru? are you okay? do i need to get you a doctor?"  
Kaoru looked at him and shook his head. "no. but can you take me to see Hikaru? just for a minute. i need to see him."  
now it was Kouya's turn to shake his head. "I'm afraid i can't. you're in no condition to get up."  
Kaoru went silent again and Kouya sighed. "and there's one more thing." he pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Kaoru he took it uncertainly and unfolded it. his hands trembled violently as he read.

his face turned up into a crooked smile, he laughed dryly and said, "no. this can't be right. it can't be this soon." Kouya looked solemnly at Kaoru" you have to be messing with me." he shook his head once again and Kaoru's smile faded. tears spilled out of his eyes. _'Hikaru. what have you done?'_ he thought dropping the paper. he screamed and Kouya made his way to the door. as he walked out he whispered under his breath, "I'm sorry."

_**Kaoru Hitachiin. only expected to live for another week. we've done everything we could for him and his brother but I'm afraid it wasn't enough... **_


	4. just a dream

_To my dear brother Hikaru,_

_Hello Hikaru. I've woken up from my coma. Did they tell you? Did you even know I was in one? I didn't expect they would tell you. But anyway, yes, I'm awake. For the moment....._

_Hikaru, I'm sorry to tell you this, but, my days are numbered to a mere seven. I was just told today. I feel so alone and scared right now. They won't let me see you or talk to you. For you it must be the same. I just want to hear your voice. I want you to hold me close to you and tell me everything will be alright, even though I know it won't._

_And please, I'm begging you, don't feel guilty about hurting me. I know you wouldn't do something like that without a reason. People were telling me that you said you're sorry. well, I believe you and I forgive you. That's what twins are supposed to do right? _

_One more thing, something I've wanted to tell you for a while and that I want you to know before the end. I'm in love with you Hikaru! I don't know when it happened but, I really do love you. Feel disgusted if you wish, but that will never make it go away. _

_Also, when I'm gone, I want you to be happy and live your life freely. Forget about me, cast me from your mind, make me disappear from our world, make it your own and let people in. Be happy without me. I love you, Hikaru. Always and forever._

_Your little brother,_

_Kaoru._

*******

There it was written in ink. Kaoru's final letter to him. Hikaru's face was soaked in tears, some falling onto the paper, smudgingthe letters. He held it away from him so the water wouldn't ruin Kaoru's perfect handwriting. He looked up from where he stood behind the church to gaze upon the closed coffin. 

_'No, he can't be gone. I couldn't of killed him...' _He read the letter again then looked back at the slick, black coffin_. _His mother was sobbing next to him, crying out for her lost son.

_'Why did he have to leave me? Why did he have to go?' _ He felt his knees grow weak and his breath hitched in his throat. His knees buckled and fell in a heap on the grass. No one moved. No one came to comfort him. He was alone. For the first time, he was truly alone. He lay there in silence, as if he had gone deaf. Nothing could be heard over the dark and depressing quiet. Except a mocking, joyful voice in the back of his skull.

_**'Ha! I killed him! I killed him! Ha Ha Ha! Aren't you happy, Hikaru? Come. Come celebrate with me!'**_ Hikaru gripped his head and dug his nails into it, drawing blood. He screamed at the top of his lungs. Everybody seemed to cry even harder as he yelled and cried. Nobody could even imagine the pain he felt inside him. His voice had turned hoarse and scratchy by the time he settled down.

With his face down in the dirt he whispered so quietly to himself that only his mother could hear those soft, antagonizing words.

"This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream...."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Long after the funeral, Hikaru still lay where he collapsed earlier, listening to the voice torture him. No one noticed or cared. Maybe they did but thought it was better to just leave him there to suffer. His tears had run dry and now only hiccups and soft sniffles were left. He wished he could have died along with Kaoru. That's why he hurt himself in the first place. Those wounds have healed and all that's left now are nasty- looking scars.

_**'Get up. You're making yourself look pitiful.'**_

Hikaru groaned and hauled himself up, keeping his bloodshot eyes covered with his bangs. His mother ran up to him and grabbed his arm gently.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked tenderly. He nodded and she led him to the limo.

On their ride home, Hikaru vowed in his mind, _'Kaoru, no matter what, I will avenge you. Even though the only way to do that is to destroy myself!'_

As the car came to a stop Hikaru looked out the window. The large building they were parked in front of looked exactly like his home but it was surrounded by huge, iron walls, armed with guns and security cameras all over it.

"Where are we?" he asked his mother quietly. she stared at him solemnly and said, " Hikaru, welcome to your new home. I'm sorry but you'll have to stay here for a while."

A giant police man yanked him from the car and forced his hands behind his back, putting him in handcuffs. "Don't worry. We'll take good care of you." He said as he lead Hikaru to the iron gate.

_'Crap. What am i going to do now?' _Hikaru thought hopelessly, inspecting the armed building. _'How will I avenge Kaoru now?' he asked himself as the large gate slowly opened._ Hikaru gulped as the police man thrust him forward.

The man chuckled as he whispered to Hikaru, "Welcome to the loony bin Hikaru Hitachiin. I hope we can get along well. And good luck tryin' to escape, 'cause you'll need it" he pushed Hikaru again sending him crashing to the ground. "Come on Hitachiin get up. We are going to have loads of fun." The man pulled Hikaru to his feet and started to drag him to the dark, intimidating building....


	5. into the ocean

_two weeks later...._

"Stupid handcuffs." Hikaru mumbled as he struggled to loosen their grip on his wrists. The guards here decided that he would be more comfortable in handcuffs than a straight jacket, so here he was rubbing his skin raw by trying to slip them off, even though it was useless. And 'here' is the crazy house, made especially for him. It was designed exactly like his real home, but it was packed with security cameras, guards, and guns. He wasn't a loud to roam freely or even go to the bathroom by himself. In other words: it was hell on Earth. But all of those things weren't as bad as missing the most important thing in his life. Kaoru. His poor, innocent brother who was murdered by his own twin. That's why he was here. Because of Kaoru. If he hadn't existed none of this would of happened. If it wasn't for him--

"Mr. Hitachiin. Someone's here to see you." A voice at the door said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Let them in." was all he could say. The door opened to reveal the host club. They were all wearing swim shorts and tops.

"Hello Hikaru. We've come to take you on a cruise!" Tamaki stated excitedly.

"Forget it. I'm not going."

"Oh, but you are." Kouya answered.

"I'm not a loud out don't you get it? I'm in here for a reason and I know you all know why. Shouldn't you hate me for it? Because I can tell you, I sure hate myself!" They all grew silent and Hikaru turned his back on them. "Just leave me alone."

"But Hika-chan. We got special permission to have you come. And if you refuse, Takashi and I will bring you by force." Hunny said very evil like.

"And besides a cruise can't be that bad can it?" Haruhi asked.

A light suddenly clicked in his head. '_A cruise? Cruise=ship. Ship= __water__. Water=.....' _"Fine. I'll go. but just so ling as it doesn't kill me." He answered. All the hosts gulped and nodded as the guards outside came in and began to pack up his stuff.

***

As they loaded themselves on the ship, Hikaru looked around. No police. No guns or wall. Nothing but his friends to stop him and that wasn't much of a threat. He smiled and walked aboard. He found a nice room and threw his things on the bed, digging through it to find the heaviest clothes he had. There was only t-shirts and shorts. He grunted and sat down heavily on the bed. A knock came from the door and Hunny's voice filled the room. "Come on Hika-chan we're going swimming!"

"But the boat hasn't even left the dock yet."

A giggle came from Hunny. "Yes it has. Look out the window!" Glancing over he saw that the dock was some miles away and he sighed. "Fine."

As the little boy left Hikaru laughed. "Perfect. The faster the better."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the club was swimming in the pool when he came out, except Kouya. He sat in a chair next to him and bombarded him with questions. "So how cold is the water today? Could somebody die by falling off this boat? Do we have to wear life vests? Can-" "What makes you ask?" Kouya asked writing on his clipboard and dialing numbers into his phone.

"I was just curious. Can't I ask you a few questions without you suspecting something?" he said getting up and walking to the pool.

They all looked so happy, like they had forgotten about Kaoru already. Anger again rose inside him as he stormed away to the front of the ship.

It took awhile but he finally make it and stood staring down into the glassy water. It was clear and calm, but the boat stirred it up and ruined it. _'Koaru would have loved this.' _ he thought. Suddenly sadness swept over him and he climbed up on the railing. The wind whipped his hair around his face as he stood. "Goodbye." he whispered closing his eyes and jumping.

The water was icy and he sank deeper into it. His arms and legs started to freeze and he panicked. Forgetting no one could here him he screamed. The salty water filled his mouth and nose, overflowing his lungs. He gripped his throat and swam frantically trying to reach the surface but it seemed death was coming faster than he thought and his body was no longer listening to him. Looking up, he saw the sunlight through the water but it was so far away. _'Kaoru, I'm finally getting my revenge.' _he thought sinking farther and then feeling nothing.

***

The sunlight was blinding as he coughed and gasped, feeling the burning deck of the boat under him and the shivers on his body. " What happened? Didn't I....die?" he said quietly blinking everything into focus.

"No, Kouya's army people saved you. They got here really fast. I'm so glad you're okay!" Haruhi said handing him a glass of water. He glared at it and pushed her away.

"Bring me back." Hikaru said to Kouya. He was silent. After a minute he dialed a number.

"Very well. A boat will be here soon to pick you up. Be ready to go."

Hikaru walked shakily to his room, changed, and gathered his belongings. _'Stupid Kouya. I'll make him pay. He'll be sorry he ever saved me. I'll make sure of it!' _he thought slamming his suitcase closed and walking heavily toward the front deck.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Yay! chapter 5! failed attempt to drown. I'm a genius. okay...so.... Hikaru is in the crazy house. Don't kill me please if you want to read the rest of the story. And Kaoru is dead. hmmmm....depressing....


	6. the accident

_Two twin boys sat on a bench in the park one bright summer day. They were holding hands like they always did and staring at the cloudless sky. The younger one looked away at a dog across the busy street and pointed at it. to show his brother. The older one smiled and patted his look-alike on the head. They were interrupted by a small group of boys that always made fun of them.__They started teasing them and calling them mean names. The younger one's eyes filled with tears. The older one balled his hands into fists and yelled at them to go away. They shrugged and walked away. The boy hugged his brother close and told him it would be okay. He nodded then pointed at the dog again. It seemed lonely but his twin shook his head, it was too dangerous. They walked over to a tree and the older one started to build a castle while the other picked flowers. It wasn't long before the were both so distracted that they didn't even notice they had somehow gotten separated. _

_The younger one stood up satisfied with his bouquet and went to show his brother, but couldn't see him. A bark caught the little boy's attention and he looked toward the sound. The dog was looking at him and he smiled. Dropping the flowers he started to run across the road, but just as he stepped into the road someone yelled his name and he got thrust forward. He heard car tires screech and a loud thud that didn't come from him hitting the ground. He looked to see who it was and as he stood up he whispered, "Hikaru...." _

_Before his eyes was a bloody and broken Hikaru. His head slightly cracked, arms and legs broken. He screamed at the top of his lungs. Hikaru opened his eyes, smiled at him and said, "Kaoru, don't ever leave me again. I promise I won't let anybody hurt you."_

_**'This life is a cruel one, eh, Hikaru?' the voice asked. 'Do you remember this now? You were injured bad, but if you hadn't saved him I wouldn't be here, isn't that right? I'm just lucky that those kids made fun of you, or you wouldn't ever have stored enough anger and hate in your heart for me to grow. heh. heh.'**_

Hikaru sat listening to the voice mock him and make fun of him for remembering things he never wanted to remember. His head hung as he sat alone hands cuffed, legs bound, and eyes blindfolded. It was late but who could sleep when you knew it was yourself that created a monster inside you? To know it was your fault for your own brother's death. Tears again found their way to his eyes. it was all his fault and he couldn't forgive himself. "I have to get out of here."

A/N: yo! This is a short one but it's kinda important. Kinda. At the beginning of this story I said that Hikaru had always done that since the accident so I was just showing you what I was talking about! Keep reading almost done!


	7. gone

A knock on the door. "Hikaru. Visitors." he groaned and faced away from the door. Still bound and blindfolded he knew who it was before they walked in the door. The Host club. When the maid said "Visitors" she meant them. The only "visitors" he got.

"hello Hikaru! How are you doing today?" Tamaki's voice rang.

"How do you think I'm doing you idiot?"

"Now, now be nice. We came to bring you on another trip." Kouya said.

"Let me guess another cruise?"

"No, we're going to New York!" Tamaki said excitedly. Hikaru sighed. "Do I have a choice?" a giggle came from Hunny. "No Hika-Chan we already bought the plane tickets and packed your stuff! Also, the plane leaves in a few hours."

_'I don't want to go to America. It sounds boring. I guess I'll just have to hope that the plane crashes of something....'_

when he was free of his shackles they put him in the limo. To his utter surprise he was next to the door. The unlocked door. With the limo going at least 50 mph. The handle within his reach and best of all, he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. He looked toward his companions. Did they really trust him that much? Or did they just not think of that when they got in. right now they all seemed to be doing something else and not looking at him. He shifted his position so that the handle was behind him and slowly, ever so slowly, he moved his hand towards it. Once in his grasp he looked around again. Same as it was a few seconds ago. He smiled pleased with himself and pulled the handle. The door swung open and he fell out of the car into the busy road. Car tires screeched and horns honked. He couldn't move. His body hurt but his head hurt the most. Everything was spinning and red. This seemed so familiar. Why was it familiar? Oh that's right. The accident. But this time it wasn't an accident. And where was Kaoru this time? Dead. In a hole. Gone. But he was glad. Glad that he would probably see him soon or maybe not. Right now he didn't care. He was so comfortable. Why was everything so soft and warm? He opened his eyes and found himself in a bed. A bed where though? He felt a bandage on his cheek as he sat up. But he did get hit by a car right?

Knuckles rapped lightly on the door. "may I come in?" Haruhi. Without permission she opened the door and stepped in. "glad you're awake. When you fell out of the car you hit your head on the pavement and got knocked out. You're lucky a car didn't run over you. We brought you to the hotel and you've been sleeping ever since."

" I slept on the plane?"

"The whole way."

"You didn't call the ambulance?"

She looked up thoughtfully. "I guess we didn't think of that. We were going to miss the plane if we took too long."

Hikaru bubbled with anger and asked her to leave. When she did he threw himself back down on the bed and grumbled. "Stupid cars didn't run over me. Stupid host club didn't even call an ambulance. Shows how much they care."

a strange feeling overtook him. It was deathly quiet in his head, except for his own thoughts. _'what? You're not going to criticize me? Where are you?' _no answer. Hikaru gasped. Could it be that the voice was gone? Truly gone? Joy swelled inside his chest, unable to control it he cheered loudly and laughed. _'I'm finally free of this hell!' _ he laughed in his mind but then a thought occurred to him. Who was he going to blame Kaoru's death on now....


	8. broken

"Hikaru? Hikaru?! Where are you?! Don't make me call the guards!" a maid called throughout the house. Hikaru hid in the shadows of his room fumbling with the handcuffs once again.

"Stupid handcuffs." he mumbled managing to unlock them and quietly stuffing under the bed.

The maid seemed to have grown some brains and started to walk toward his room and check to see if he was in there. Where else would he be? Why she didn't look there first was beyond him. He slid onto the white sheets and pretended to sleep, just like he and Kaoru used to do when they were kids.

He felt a pang of guilt hit him in the gut at the memory of Kaoru but got over it quickly when the young woman opened the door slightly to peek inside. He guessed she was satisfied when the door clicked shut.

He sighed heavily and sat up rubbing his wrists. He hated those people for binding him up and locking him in a room. He just wanted to get away somehow. That's when a light bulb flickered on in his head.

A few years ago, he was bored and didn't want to wake Kaoru up so he decided to see how the security cameras worked and how he could turn it off without the alarm sounding. He figured it out in two minutes flat and taught Kaoru how to do the same. They would use their handy trick to sneak out in the dead of night and get back before anyone could miss them.

'_perfect.'_ he thought getting up and slinking over to the camera in the corner and disconnecting it. He went quickly to the window and opened it. He was only one story up and wouldn't get injured too badly if he jumped, so he did. He landed on his feet and hid in the bushes. No one was anywhere to be seen.

'_Where is everyone? Are they letting me escape?'_ he smiled and sprinted across the yard taking cover in random bushes and behind trees. When he got to the gate it was already open. Surprised, and a bit suspicious, he ran as fast as he could out of the gate. Nothing happened. No alarms. Nothing.

He took one last look at the house of torture and ran. He didn't know where, he just went wherever his feet took him. He ended up at a park. He suddenly remembered that he had been here before.

He remembered coming out here with Kaoru one day, then a car horn, then nothing. Realization dawned on him as he recalled everything. Kaoru walking in front of a car and him pushing his baby brother out of the way. He heard his name being called. Pain. Then nothing else. A black blanket covering everything around him. Voices or a voice. Then again nothing.

He blinked at the part of the street then took off running once again.

'_Our house is somewhere down here.'_ he thought to himself rounding a corner and spotting the large mansion. He felt relieved as he made his way there.

Walking inside he called out almost desperately, "Kaoru? Kaoru are you here?"

'_Of course he's not here. He's dead. Or have you forgotten?'_ he told himself.

"I know he's here though. I can feel it. He has to be…" Hikaru whispered sinking down to his knees and resting his back against a wall as he cried. No one was here. Not even the maids. As the tears streamed he half sang half whispered a song as he stared off into space.

"_I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh, I want to hold you high and steal your pain away. I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well; I want to hold you high and steal your pain. Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome and I don't feel right when you're gone away…"_ his voice cracked and he stopped, waiting for someone to sing the next verse. Seconds ticked by but nothing came and he sobbed quietly. He jumped when a gentle and sweet voice rang out through the empty walls.

"_The worst is over now and we can breathe again, I want to hold you high, you steal my pain away." _He looked around frantically trying to locate the source but couldn't detect it. It was everywhere.

"_There's so much left to learn and no one left to fight, I want to hold you high and steal your pain." _

A foot stepped out from behind a hallway, revealing someone Hikaru thought he would never see again. Thinking it was all a dream he slowly walked up to the figure in front of him and touched their cheek.

"Kaoru…" he whispered. Kaoru's hand grasped his and nodded slightly, as he whispered the rest of the song in harmony with his older brother.

"_Because I'm broken when I'm open, and I don't feel like I am strong enough. Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away."_

Tears rained down from Hikaru's eyes as he embraced his twin. "Kaoru! Oh Kaoru! I thought you were dead! How did this happen? I missed you so much! I'm so sorry!" he said burying his face into the crook of Kaoru's neck and smelling his sweet scent.

"It's ok Hikaru. I'm here now. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"But, what happened? Why are you still alive?"

Kaoru put his finger to Hikaru's lips. "I'll tell you upstairs." he nodded and they made their way up to their room.

***

Walking into the room seemed like a dream. It looked nothing like the other place. It was more comfortable and homely. He threw himself down on the bed a breathed in Kaoru's scent that still clung to the sheets. Kaoru sat next to him, looking almost inpatient as Hikaru got reacquainted with everything in the room.

"So why aren't you…you know…" Hikaru asked almost shyly.

"It was Kouya. He said it would be good for the both of us to be separated and for you to think I was dead so you wouldn't come running after me." he paused, holding back tears. "He was afraid you would hurt me again." they stared intensely but softly into each others eyes.

"Kaoru. I'm so sorry." Hikaru whispered tracing the 'H' on his brother's cheek. His doppelganger leaned into his touch and grabbed onto his hand like a lifeline.

"Didn't I tell you not to be sorry?" Kaoru said leaning forward until his lips met the identical ones in front of him. Hikaru deepened the kiss and grabbed the back of his brother's neck. They sat there for a while until Kaoru broke away for air.

Hikaru was shaking and Kaoru embraced him once again. Hikaru pushed him away and got up and went to the bathroom. Kaoru was heart drooped with sadness at his brother's actions.

'_What if he hates me now?'_ he thought but then Hikaru came back out. He freaked. Blood was running down the side of his face.

"Hikaru! What did you do?!" he exclaimed running over to his brother and putting a cloth ever his cheek. It was bleeding like crazy and after Kaoru pulled the cloth off the cut he realized why he had done it.

On his cheek was a 'K', just like his had an 'H'. He covered his mouth with his hand and sobbed. He put his head in his twin's chest and cried.

"It's ok Kaoru, now we will have the same scars, kind of. And we can stay the same forever." Kaoru nodded and squeezed Hikaru tightly.

"I love you." they whispered simultaneously.


	9. WHAT!

"_**Hikaru….Hikaru…" he groaned and turned over; it was too early to get up. "Hikaru…wake up. Hikaru!" A pillow flew at his head and he snapped his eyes open. "Wha?" "Get up sleepy head. Don't you remember? We're going to Haruhi's today. She's teaching us how to cook." **_

_**Hikaru stared blankly at his twin. 'What? But that was months ago.' **_**he looked at the calendar. The day was circled and in huge letters it said: "Haruhi's cooking lesson." June 16th****. He looked at the clock. 8:21 am. Then back at Kaoru. **

"**What's going on?" **

"**What do you mean?" **

"**Didn't we already go to Haruhi's? And…" **

**He trailed off and looked at his arm. Nothing. No scars. He grabbed Kaoru's arm and inspected him. Still nothing. **_**'So that whole thing was a dream?'**_

**Kaoru, who was very confused said, "Come on get dressed or we'll be late." **

"**Um, could we stay here today? I don't really feel that well." Hikaru said quickly. Suspicious, Kaoru looked at him then sighed. **

"**I suppose…" **

**Hikaru gathered his brother into a hug. "I'm sorry." **

"**For what?" **

"**Never mind. Forget it." he mumbled into his hair. Then a familiar voice made him freeze.**

'_**You think that was a dream? Think again and wake up!'**_

Hikaru bolted upright in bed. Again. He looked around. He was in his room, with Kaoru sleeping next to him. "What in the world is going on?" 

His twin stirred and whispered, "Hikaru."

"Yes?"

"What do you mean, what's going on?"

"Weird things are happening."

"Oh? Like this?" Kaoru turned over and what he saw was horrifying. Half of Kaoru's face was torn off and bleeding. His eye was missing but he was smiling crazily. Hikaru screamed and covered his eyes.

"Hikaru! Why are you screaming?!" his eyes opened when he heard his teacher's voice. He lifted his head off the desk and looked around. Everyone was staring at him including Kaoru. 

He mouthed to him, 'what's wrong?'

But Hikaru shook his head and looked down at his work.

"Please Hikaru, if you're going to fall asleep in my class at least have a nice dream." the teacher mumbled as he continued to write on the board. Hikaru sighed and picked up his pencil. 

'_What in the hell kind of dream was that?'_

________________________________________________________________________

_**A/N: **_**That's the end of the story. Confused? Me too. Deal with it. I'm so evil. Well, thanks for sticking around till the end. I love you all!!!**


	10. important explaination

You guys are probably saying: "What the hell just happened!?" or "She made me read this for nothing?"

Well that's why I'm writing this 'chapter'.

Okay. Let's start out with chapter 3. In chapter 3 it says Kaoru is freaking out because he is going to die, and he was reading the same book a billion times. Well, anyway he wasn't really going to die, as you figured out, but Kouya had told him that so everyone would believe it. So Kouya was the only one who knew the truth. Moving on.

Chapter 4. At this point Kaoru wrote a letter to Hikaru saying, "I've woken up from my coma." Kaoru was never in a coma. By this time, Kaoru already knew he was going to live and had to lie to his twin. Sniff, sniff. It's so sad. Oh, and remember the coffin lid was closed. And obviously Kaoru wasn't inside. Heh heh I'm so evil.

Oh yeah. Hikaru is trying to get out of the crazy place to kill himself, if you're wondering.

Chapter 6 explains why the voice is there. Because the boys made Kaoru cry he hated them but stored it away, and when Kaoru almost got hit by the car he was afraid but stored that away and pushed his brother and he hit his head, cracked it open and the voice was with him ever since.

Chapter 7. I'll make this brief, when he fell out of the car he hit his head and the voice went away. Simple.

Chapter 8 Hikaru escapes and finds Kaoru alive and they sing ha-ha funny. And they live happily ever after. Think again.

Chapter 9 he wakes up, Kaoru's there. They are about to go to Haruhi's but he wakes up again and sees Kaoru next to him but he was deformed and he screams, he wakes up for the last time, in the real world, in his classroom.

So you are probably like: "so that whole story was a waste of my time?"

Yes, yes it was, but don't be mad. Tt was a waste of my life trying to write it! But I'm glad you guys stuck with me throughout the whole entire extremely long story, because I'm a lazy person and didn't want to type it up or anything. But here it is. Finished, and hopefully not confusing anymore. If I could, I would kiss you! Muah!


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